Recently, I was a witness to various conversations amongst women that brought to light our society’s continued and ever-growing mentality of “not enough:”
…I can never seem to accomplish enough in a day
…My house is never clean enough
…I don’t dress stylishly enough
…I can’t seem to get on top of things at work
…I don’t give enough individual time to my kids
…I am not fit enough
…I wish I felt like I was a better partner
…I will never be able to do enough to have an impact on the deteriorating environment
…I am not in tune enough with what is happening in the world
How is it that so many women, including myself, have grown into the clothing of “not enough” and subsequently have decided that these clothes will become our most comfortable and regularly worn outfit? Where did I get this outfit anyway?
As I listened to the discussions unfold, it occurred to me that this “not enough” thinking is an undercurrent of so much of our lives and it is one of the very things that lowers our self-worth and robs us of a joyful and confident life.
By feeling or thinking that we are not enough, we set ourselves up to constantly try to be “enough.” We always feel less than and spend a lot of our life energy trying to close that gap between where we perceive ourselves (not enough) and where we want to be (enough).
But what if that gap doesn’t really exist?
What if you are just enough, just as you are in this very moment?
I know, I said this to the group and I got some pretty “yeah, right” looks. I have certainly felt my share of “yeah, right’s” to this possibility. But, with some conscious attention to how many times a day I hear a “not enough” thought or an awareness of when I feel not enough, I am slowly closing that gap. I am beginning to see that yes, maybe it is so: Maybe I am, and we all are fully ENOUGH, just as we are.
Yet is there a place in life for working toward some desired change within oneself while also feeling just enough? Certainly! I have to believe this as I have created a career out of this exact life dynamic. There is a place for complete and ever changing acceptance of ourselves just as we are; and also a place for growing into our fullest potential and learning about ourselves along the way. There is a spectrum: There are things within us that we can change, that we don’t have to accept; things that with some work and adjusting could come more joy, peace, fulfillment, and health. Yet our energy around this kind of work has to be balanced out with work on acceptance and cultivating a sense of contentment with all parts of ourselves. So, we can feel just enough, just as we are while also making some adjustments to feel even better about this just enough self.
Happy accepting — It’s a wild ride! And, if you feel lost on the ride, I would love to support you! I know for me, it has been very important to work with a coach to navigate this wild ride — to work with someone who can offer different perspectives, create space to process, provide needed strategies and tools, and encourage me to hold myself accountable. Let’s connect.